Impassive Endearment
by HetChrome
Summary: Kise finally gets his long-awaited date with Kuroko, but of course the rest of the Generation of Miracles are not going to take this sitting down. By the way, shoujo manga are meant to be thwarted. Kise/Kuroko, GoM/Kuroko. Ao/Kuro Parody up!


**Hi: **Second most cliché fanfic I've ever written let's go fsho bro yo

**Disclaimer:**Dude the optometrist did some funky shite to my eyes, and I end up ditching page breaks somewhere in the middle because I'm lazy. And I'm back after like a bajillion years, with Kuroko no Basuke fics and not KHR ones no less ohoho.

**Shameless Ads:** Our cosplay group also did a new PV, and it just got released today. Sooo if you have time to spare, you can find it on my dA. 8D

* * *

It was annoying.

Kise Ryouta scratched his blond locks furiously, shaking his head from side to side.

It was really, really annoying.

_He_ was the one who hung out with Kuroko the most (okay, so maybe Aomine hung out with him more), _he_ knew Kuroko longer (okay, so maybe Aomine knew him longer, but just by a bit), _he_ took Kuroko out for vanilla shakes more often (so maybe Aomine tagged along most of the time).

To be perfectly honest, Kise didn't have a problem with Aomine. He respected the tan player very much.

(Of course in an ideal situation, Aomine wouldn't know Kuroko.)

His main problem was with Kagami.

This … utter _noob_ to Kurokology could somehow just waltz in and steal all of Kuroko's attention by being a basketball idiot.

And Kuroko refused him. Kuroko _refused _him. Kuroko refused _him_. _Kuroko_ refused him.

Not even girls refuse him.

Kise was used to being popular, used to being adored and in the spotlight. Admittedly the percentage of attention he got decreased dramatically when he began hanging out with the Generation of Miracles, but he liked it. He liked hanging out with people he admired, with people that were respected, with people that respected him for his abilities. He liked hanging out with Kuroko.

"Geez, that Kurokocchi…" Kise muttered to himself. "Always throwing me off balance."

* * *

"Kurokocchi!" Kise called as he jogged enthusiastically up to one of his favorite people. Kuroko looked up at the call and dipped his head politely in greeting.

"Hello, Kise-kun."

And of course Kagami was there. Che.

"And Kagamicchi…" Kise mumbled, puffing out his cheeks childishly. His mood took a one-eighty as he cheerily slung his arm over Kuroko's shoulders.

"Let's go out on Sunday, Kurokocchi!"

Kuroko was silent, seemingly contemplating what activities he had on that Sunday. Meanwhile, Kagami was sending pissed-off waves at Kise as he hoped that Kuroko had plans on Sunday.

Nope.

"I don't have plans, but I think I should do my homework on that day. Saturday, Kagami-kun and I have practice."

_I don't really care about Kagamicchi's schedule, but…_

Kise pouted.

"Then when do you have time? We haven't talked with each other for so long…" he whined.

"You're talking right now," Kagami snorted just as childishly.

"I'll treat you to the vanilla shake from that one café uptown." Kise crossed his fingers.

Kagami sneered. "Like he'll fall for -"

Kuroko's hopeful expression was the cutest.

* * *

"Ryouta, is there a particular reason you're calling me?" Akashi asked with a perfectly poised brow.

"Akashicchi, ask me why I'm happy!" Kise bellowed into his cell. Akashi winced and held his red handheld half a foot away from his ear, handling it with two fingers as if it were a grenade.

Akashi mentally sighed and rolled his mismatched orbs to the ceiling, doing a silent countdown before weighing his options.

"…Why are you so happy, Ryouta?" He gave in. Damn it.

"I've. Got. A. Date. With. Kurokocchi!" Kise sang, before sputtering off into hysterical giggles. Akashi knead the bridge of his nose, wondering if it'd be possible for Murasakibara to take him to Kise's place, where he could do some threatening with a new pair of scissors that he bought.

However, Kise's new information was rather alarming. Kuroko never agreed to go out with _him_ when Akashi asked, nor had he ever complied with Murasakibara's snack-buying trips or Midorima's lucky item searches. As always, Aomine seemed to be the exception.

Honestly speaking, Akashi was a little jealous.

Just a little.

Because really, Kise was hardly a threat.

Even though he was a popular model and good at basketball and was a very outgoing person and-

Akashi hung up and dialed a few more numbers with his phone.

* * *

As he was holding a carved bear in his left hand, Midorima reached for his phone with his right.

"Yes?"

There was a silence.

Midorima pushed up his glasses ominously.

* * *

Long, lean fingers groped idly through a family-sized chip bag.

_Ring. Ring._

Murasakibara stuffed a handful of snacks into his mouth before picking up the phone, and listened while he chewed.

He swallowed.

* * *

Aomine was sleeping when he got the call from Akashi. His opened his eyes irritably, mentally cussing out the person who was calling him – because there was no way that it was Kuroko, it was probably safe to assume he did not like the person on the other side of the line.

He glanced at the caller ID and grumbled.

"What?" He said grumpily.

He listening inattentively for the first few moments, before narrowing his eyes.

He swore he nearly went into the Zone right then.

* * *

Kise was outside Kuroko's house at 8:30, thirty minutes before the planned meeting time. He had spent the previous night digging through his copious mounds of clothes, trying on many different outfits, until he wore the one he was wearing now.

A silver pinstriped black dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, a silver necklace, and dark gray jeans, which were crammed with his wallet and phone. A simple ring went around his index finger of his right hand. He looked like a model (go figure), but of course Kise was wondering what Kuroko would think.

_Too formal? Too casual? What will Kurokocchi wear? Will he like where we go? _Kise pulled at his shirt, straightening out invisible wrinkles. He checked his phone.

8:52.

Kise tapped his foot. He tilted his head to the side. He paced around for a bit. He rang the doorbell.

A minute later, he could hear footsteps and the door clicked open. Kuroko stood there, already wearing his shoes.

"You're early, Kise-kun. Shall we go?"

The trip was generally uneventful, mostly consisting of Kise keeping up a stream of endless chatter while Kuroko listened politely. Right, and we can't forget the trail of smitten females left in Kise's wake. And we also can't forget the aghast expressions they made after Kise alternately tried to hold Kuroko's hand and put an arm around the smaller boy. The blank-faced boy avoided Kise's advances almost deftly.

Kise dragged Kuroko to a café, where he paid for an extra tall deluxe vanilla cream shake. He watched Kuroko sip at it with his chin in his hands, just smiling idiotically across the table. The female population in the café stared at Kise in turn, not noticing Kuroko at all.

The rest of the Generation of Miracles slipped less-than inconspicuously into the shop – though, it wouldn't have mattered, seeing as Kise was too distracted by Kuroko to notice, and Kuroko noticed but didn't care overly much. They took a table in the far corner and did their best to hide behind menus.

Kuroko was almost feeling sated when he reached halfway on his tall glass.

Kise gulped. He could do this.

He steeled himself to open his mouth. "Hey, Kurokocchi, I -"

A pastry flew like a bullet through the air, narrowly missing Kise's nose. It hit the wall with a smush and fell limply onto the table.

The blond could feel sweat appear from sheer fear.

* * *

"Mine-chin, I was eating that," Murasakibara complained.

Aomine wiped his hand with a napkin, mentally snarling at the model and completely ignoring Murasakibara's complaint.

Midorima switched his hold on his carved bear to his other hand before pushing up his glasses. "That was going to be a confession."

Akashi wondered briefly if he had a pair of shears at home.

* * *

"Kurokocchi, you have something there." Kise pointed. Kuroko patted at his face delicately with a napkin.

"No, on the other side." Kuroko wiped his face again.

"No, wait, here," Kise reached over and brushed a finger lightly over the corner of Kuroko's lip, lingering slightly longer than what was appropriate.

Midorima broke his carved bear.

Snap, crumble.

"Thank you. I could have gotten it myself if you just told me." Kuroko took another calm sip of his drink.

* * *

Kise brought Kuroko to the amusement park, and immediately dragged the helpless boy onto a rollercoaster.

Kuroko was not amused.

Kise was very amused.

"Ahahaha! Kurokocchi, you should have seen your face; It was like…" Kise pulled a petrified face.

"It was not."

"It was, it was!"

"It was _not_."

Kise, still laughing, pulled Kuroko into a hug and rested his chin on the boy's head.

"You're so cute, it's amazing."

"Please let me go."

Kise let go and took Kuroko to buy another vanilla shake.

* * *

Four pairs of eyes glittered menacingly from behind the ice cream cart. They followed the duo as Kise and Kuroko wandered over to another concession stand.

"Kiseeee… That bastard…" Aomine ground out, gripping the material of his shorts.

* * *

"I didn't know you were bad with rides, Kurokocchi…"

"Generally speaking, there wasn't much of a chance for you to find out on a basketball court."

"That's true – Which means we should hang out more!" Kise cried before dragging Kuroko to the next attraction.

"I'm bad with teacup rides, Kise-kun."

"Don't worry about it! I'll hold onto you." Kise grinned.

"That's not what I mean-"

He was forced onto it anyway.

"Kise-kun, I think I'm going to be sick," Kuroko said, blank face paler than usual.

"A-Ahh, wait just a-"

"I was joking," Kuroko said seriously.

"…you serious?"

* * *

Kise hoped that Kuroko was scared of _something_ in the haunted house, shoujo manga dictated body contact if that was the case.

A rotting corpse thrust itself into Kise's face, who shrieked and clung to Kuroko. Kuroko stared at the corpse with his usual deadpan expression, before:

"Ah. Scary. I'm scared, Kise-kun." Monotone.

Kise just trembled.

By the time they exited the haunted house, Kise refused to release Kuroko, who was calmly sipping his vanilla shake.

"Damn you, Kise…" Aomine hissed, clenching a fist.

Kise supposed that shoujo manga was at least half right.

* * *

The skies were slowly turning gold from the setting sun, and strings and strings of lights over the park began to light themselves.

If shoujo manga continued to be correct, the next step would be the Ferris wheel. The giant wheel spun slowly, its lights flashed, and couples were carried to the citrus skies.

Kise gently took the smaller boy's hand and tugged him to the line for the wheel. Kuroko didn't resist, simply tilting his head questioningly at the other.

"You cold?" Kise asked breathlessly. Kuroko shook his head, staring blandly at the silver hoop in Kise ear, which was glinting gold from the setting sun.

"Your hands are kinda clammy," Kise noted, taking both of Kuroko's hands in his.

"I'm gonna go apeshit on his ass-" Aomine began, as Murasakibara held him back.

Akashi sneered. "He's seriously going for the Ferris wheel? Please, shoujo manga never works…" He made a mental note to find Kise's manga collection and shred it.

* * *

Kise helped Kuroko into the small compartment that would take them to the top. The machine rumbled as it started up again, and they jerked before beginning to move.

"Hey Kurokocchi, I-"

"Ah. I see my house." Kise let out a sigh. Kuroko would always be thwarting him.

"Kurokocch-"

"Kise-kun, do you see your house too?"

"…No, I don't."

"I see. That's too bad."

"Uh, I think I'm okay with not being able to see my house."

"Really? I thought that's what Ferris wheels were for."

Kise was silent.

Kuroko continued, "I've been reading some shoujo manga lately, and that seems to be the pattern."

"…Exactly what parts of the manga were you taking in again?"

Silence.

"Kise-kun, I don't feel so well."

Uh-oh.

"Are you sure? You're not joking again, are you?"

"No, I think I really…" Kuroko leaned forward, eyes half-lidded, a light blush over his ivory cheekbones.

"I really…" he breathed. Kise gulped and took a shuddering breath. …

Kuroko threw up.

Who gets sick on the Ferris wheel?

* * *

Akashi wished he brought his camera for the moment Kuroko and Kise got off the Ferris wheel. Aomine snickered jubilantly to himself.

"Such is karma." Midorima smirked.

"Geez, Kurokocchi…" Kise sighed, unbuttoning his shirt as they walked. Passerby turned to stare fixedly at his fingers (mainly women). He was wearing an undershirt inside, which clung to his figure.

"I'm sorry," Kuroko said, bowing. Kise just laughed a little.

"Don't worry about it; I should've known to take you seriously." Kise wrung out his shirt in the bathroom so it wouldn't stain, but just in case he'd send it off to the dry cleaners later.

"Actually…" Kise began slowly.

Kuroko looked up quizzically.

"I know a way you can repay me."

They took the bus home, Kise attracting even more stares now that he was nearly half-naked. Kise ignored them all, happily clutching Kuroko's hand in his. Kuroko sighed resignedly, but adjusted his grip on the taller boy's hand.

Kise hummed.

* * *

"Thank you for walking me home, Kise-kun." Kuroko bowed politely.

"Nah, thanks for coming with me," Kise said awkwardly. He rubbed the back of his head.

"Um…" he began, shifting his weight onto his other leg nervously.

"I had a good time today and if you'd like, we could, uh," Kise stuttered.

He tried again.

"Maybe we could-"

Kuroko stood on his tiptoes on the top step of his porch to plant a small kiss on the side of Kise's jaw, which, sadly, was the highest point he could reach.

"Thank you."

Kise stood there, dumbfounded. His soiled shirt slipped out of his hands and landed wetly on asphalt.

"Uh." He said intelligently.

"I had fun as well."

"Uh."

"I believe that in shoujo manga, something like this is due after one has fun."

"….Uhhhh…"

"Then, goodnight, Kise-kun." Kuroko closed his door.

Kise stood there, staring off into space, before snapping back to reality.

He slammed his head into Kuroko's fencepost.

"DAMN IT KUROKOCCHI, YOU'RE TOO CUUUTE!" He screamed.

* * *

When Kise finally managed to make it back to his house, he found that his room's door was open and his shoujo manga collection was torn apart by what looked to be shears.

Kise shrugged and flopped onto his bed.

The manga had served its purpose; he didn't need it anymore.

And he found that real life was much, much better.

Plus, shoujo manga never gave him a cute boy kissing him on the jaw.

Which, as Kise reflected, was actually very, very erotic.

End.


End file.
